porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
