Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Every concussion has its silver lining
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I need water and some morals
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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