Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
