How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i will never coherently bang her
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
