just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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