Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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