nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
