i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
