We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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