I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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