The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
