Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
