they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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