I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
