I think I died a long time ago.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
