I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
