You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
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