I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
