I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
