His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
