i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
