Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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