I can tuck mytits in my pants
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
This is the high leading the old right now
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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