Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
