I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
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