Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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