I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
