so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Boobs speak an international language.
That accounts for only three of the penises
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize