Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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