According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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