If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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