I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
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