everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
