i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
