I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
