I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
ttyl tear gas
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
