Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
