You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
