once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
