Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
