Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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