My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Randomize
