I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
