smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
