Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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