the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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