In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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