...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
