mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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