cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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