How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
