i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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