i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
