dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
