The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
