I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
