This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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