Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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