wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
