OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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