I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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