I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I would fuck him just for his dog
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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