Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
