Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize