they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
