I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
They took my balls.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
