If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
