I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
