So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
