I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
