I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
