Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
