i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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