is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
