She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
