im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
