i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
