At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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