Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
